Lonely in marriage or loving?
We may have shed a tear or two for Robinson Crusoe says F. W. Boreham in The Luggage of Life (23), but in actuality we all are in our own isolated islands separated by the oceans of secrets; essentially, every soul lives and dies alone.
Savages, according to Boreham, lived happy and connected life as they had very little to hide, but the modern man is surrounded with secretes.
The rich want to hide their wealth, the poor their poverty. The wise want to hide their wisdom, the fool their folly. We all have something we rather not allow others to know about.
Our fears, worries, failures and frustrations are often covered with a sense of calm and serenity on the outside but a raging sea might be getting rougher in the inside.
Some try to calm the sea with pleasures of the flesh, some with learnings of the mind and others with the sense of renunciation and asceticism.
Boreham expressed such a sentiment over a hundred years ago but the advent of social media in our time continues to speak about man’s quest for connection and a dilemma for isolation.
When I signed up for a Facebook account, I was elated to be connected with friends that had gone under the radar for over 35 years.
However, the pleasantries only lasted a few seasons as the Luggage of Life had taken us into different directions; Facebook could not substitute what we could never achieve in real life.
However, there is one relationship in which this quest for connection and dilemma for secrecy can be fully satisfied; it is the union of marriage.
BBC Travel (June 27, 2016) writes about Juan Martin and Sinforosa Colomer in the title “The Mountain Hermits of Aragon”, who have been happily living all by themselves for the last 45 years in the village of La Estrella in Spain.
Starting from 1950, the villagers began to move to better places and by 1970 all but them. Juan and Sinforosa decided to live out their lives in their childhood village.
Today, the only house standing in that whole village of about 200 people is theirs along with a church sanctuary they have faithfully taken care of and prayed in for decades. Now in their 80s, they were confident in expressing that life couldn’t be happier.
I had struggled with the feeling of abandonment from childhood. Later in my youth, knowing God as my father, Christ as my friend, and the Holy Spirit as my counselor did bring some relief but the need for human love and companionship persisted.
It was only after I met the love of my life that all my longings for companionship found their fulfillment. In our marriage, we found a perfect place to put to rest all our secrets; what remained was the amazing sense of belonging and companionship.
Sadly, many marriages are killed because of the ongoing attempt to keep secrets from each other. All other relationships and friendships can be maintained in spite of the secrets but a happy marriage can’t.
So, if you want to have a companion who would be happy to help you carry your luggage in life, then, don’t keep secrets from your wife or husband. If you do, you will kill the only human relationship designed for that purpose.
(First published as Facebook post on 26 July, 2016)